


Duo Legati

by Venstar



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: M/M, bond is grounded, more tantrums, questions so many questions, tantrums
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21893218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: Bond is grounded....
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92
Collections: Mi6 Cafe Prompt Fills





	Duo Legati

James hated being grounded. Hated it. Hate hate hatedey hate hate hated it. With a passion. With a burning passion. With a hatedey hatey hate hate burning type of passion! He was good at his job, so what if there was just a bit more collateral damage and political damage and asset damage than the other agents did...combined. So. Fucking. What? Or so that’s what he kept mumbling to himself. He realized he was muttering to himself and that he might not look so pleasant when he finally noticed that the lift car was packed all on one side and he was alone on the other.

“What?”

Maybe acknowledging the scared lemmings wasn’t such a good move. They all jerked in surprise and when the lift door pinged open, they all made a run for it. Bond shrugged. So what. He was grounded, let’s just bring the focus back on him for a minute. His black mood sort of perked up at the thought. All attention on him. Where could he get that? 

He pressed another one of the lift buttons and stayed on the elevator past his initial selection of the ground floor. The elevator door opened to the main lobby and he simply stood in the middle of the open doors and glared at the hapless peasants and lemmings that came hurrying forward to enter. 

Bond smiled at them. One simple, close-lipped smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. They all stopped, as if by an invisible force field and then scurried quickly away. His smile widened and the lift doors closed. Down he went, to the bowels of Q branch.

Oh, the glorious chaos that was going on just now. Minions scurrying about, lab coats fluttering behind them, R caterwauling to a cringing double oh. He glanced away, yeah not the sort of attention he was looking for. 

Someone jostled him on their way past and he glared down at them, but they just patted him on the arm and said “Wotcher there, 007.”

Whut? He opened his mouth to give the minion a tongue lashing, but he was bumped again and glanced down into the light green eyes of a very pretty minion.

“No time for you today, 007. Out with you.” She patted him as she dashed off again.

Okay, what on earth was going on.

“008.”

Bond’s ears pricked up at the drawled out agent number. Only one man in Q branch had that soft, dark voice that left a trail of velvet dark thoughts up and down your spine before he dug a dagger into your throat. Q. Bond’s body turned on instinct and made it’s way to where Q was standing before a very agitated 008. 

008 took a step forward and jabbed his finger into Q’s face. “I will say it again, in case your simple mind can’t understand me. I’m NOT doing that. I would do anything. Almost anything for the crown...but that.” He hooked his thumb at the large screen that was filled with the image of a young Asian man. Nice eyes, great cheekbones, hair a bit floppy about the edges and a shy smile. What was 008’s problem?

“You would do anything for love but you won’t do THAT?” Q asked, softly before he turned to the screen and pointed at it, ignoring 008’s own threatening digit.

008 screwed his face up.

Q continued to ignore 008 and pushed his glasses up his nose and softly lectured 008. “You’ve been given a mission along with its parameters and this is your way in. He is your way in. You will insert yourself into his life, seduce him, get the intel and be on your way. I don’t see how this is any different than anything you’ve done before on any other honeypot mission.”

“They didn’t have a matching willy to go with it!”

Q remained silent and stared at the screen. Bond wasn’t sure what to make of that comment. 008 was still relatively new to the program. They’ve all had to sword fight at some point in their careers. Some fights were a bit more memorable than others. Enjoyable in fact. It was the same with women. Not everyone who looked like a great lay was a great lay. Sometimes they weren’t even good lays, but Bond was getting distracted. 

“Improvise, adapt...come, 008.”

“Why you-”

“I wouldn’t recommend you strike a superior,” Bond said. Speaking up for the first time. A good thing too. 008 had drawn his hand back and Bond wasn’t quite sure where it was going to end up, but he didn’t want to find out. 008 was twice the size of Q and outweighed the skinny bastard by quite a bit. “Not that I haven’t struck a superior officer, of course. Not unless they deserved it.” Bond walked forward, slowly and steadily, staring 008 down. The mood he was in, he didn’t have any qualms about being grounded for longer if it meant kicking someone’s ass and perhaps ending up in Q’s favor books.

“007,” Q said, removing himself from 008’s reach and placing himself on the other side of Bond. 

A wise move. Bond glanced behind him as a round of applause went up. The minions had also been attracted to the conversation. R lurked in the back, a bazooka in hand. Q waved her away and she just shrugged and pointed it to the ground. That didn’t make Bond feel comfortable one iota of a bit.

“I was just informing 008 of his mission specs and preparing his equipment when he decided to…” Q coughed quietly. “Mutiny.”

“I’m not fucking a bloke!”

008 was still behaving horribly.

“You don’t have to fuck the honeypot. I mean, it helps, but that’s why God invented these.” Bond waved his hands in the air. R sniggered from the back and a ripple of startled humor went through the minions. Q’s eyes widened as he followed the crude motions Bond was making now. Bond couldn’t help it. He jacked the air off a couple of times. Stuck a finger in the air and wiggled it around. The minions lost it at this point. 

“I don’t see you taking no male honeypots to bed, 007.”

Bond smiled. “Q perhaps you’d like to inform 008 of my ingenuity.”

“Bond regularly goes...offline to get off.”

The minions whispered behind him.

Bond rolled his eyes at Q. “Thank you for that.”

“But I’m not gay!” 008 protested.

“You don’t need to be gay to figure where to stick your dick!”

“Thank you, R.” Bond nearly growled at her.

“Are you gay?” 008 asked.

Bond sighed heavily. “Like R said. There are somethings one knows how to do regardless.”

The minions whispered some more. He could hear the words “Bet, gay, bi, straight, smart, pan and I’ll take those odds.”

He turned swiftly on them. “If you value your lives…” He glanced down at the money exchanging hands. “You won’t bet on my sexuality.”

Q cleared his throat. “What Bond chooses to do on a mission or off-mission is his business. The business at hand is your mission, 008. Now-”

“No.”

“What?” Q asked, his eyebrows lowering.

“I’m not doing it.”

“You don’t have a choice, I’m afraid. You have orders.”

“If he can get away with going off-grid, then so can I!” 

Bond shrugged his shoulders as 008 pointed at him. “If he doesn’t want to do it, I will.”

All eyes swiveled to him. The minions passed more money around. 

Bond smiled his shark’s grin at Q. “I know how to handle all my equipment.”


End file.
